Posted by Nikoletta Ventseslavova

Read if: you want to learn how to play the winner’s role in the blame game

People will often hide their own mistakes by highlighting the faults of the others. What are the right strategies we should follow if our reputation is threatened by personal attacks?

Our reactions, theoretically explained

Psychologists explain that there are two main ways to deal with fault. The first strategy is to avoid, deny, rationalize (avoid self-condemnation) and escape from a situation, or to let someone else take the blame. These defence mechanisms reduce our emotional stress and we might take this course of action when a situation is beyond our control. The second approach is to take responsibility and is usually used when the punishment is tolerable. Most people will use both strategies, but will have a preference for one or the other. Each of these methods has disadvantages: the avoiders face guilt, while the acceptors face more immediate stress.

Diffusing a situation before it blows up

You can’t eliminate blame entirely if you are partly responsible for a conflict. Don’t be afraid to make a confession – before the other party blames you for the entire incident, you can own up to your part in the way you think you may have caused things to snowball. Admit if you feel you may have triggered the conflict in any way and offer a possible solution. As a result, the other person will be prompted to acknowledge how he/she contributed for worsening the situation. This tactic will not only keep you comparatively blame-free, but will resolve matters more amicably.

If it’s too late to head off the situation, become a victim

A study by researchers at the University of Maryland and Harvard University suggests that the best strategy to escape blame is to be a victim, not a hero. Gray Wegner explains that psychologically people make a small difference between a villain and a hero, whereas the gap between a villain and a victim is huge. “This means that heroes are easily recast as evil doers, whereas it’s very hard to turn a victim into a villain.”This experiment explains why many famous politicians claim victimhood after they make a mistake. The research suggests that people fail remember the misdeeds of those who highlighted past suffering and that victims were given less punishment.

An excellent example that gives proof of the theory mentioned above is a part of Bill Clinton’s biography – the Lewinsky story. Back in 1996 only the White House staffers were noticing that the young intern – Monica Lewinsky was spending an inordinate amount of time with the president.  When she was transferred against her will to a public affairs position at the Pentagon, she struck up a friendship with Linda Tripp and confided details of her intimate relationship with the President, which Tripp secretly recorded. Soon the investigation discovered that Lewinsky had been listed as a potential witness in the Jones case and that she was encouraged by the President to give false affidavit in the case. Meanwhile Tripp revealed the truth about the entire Clinton-Lewinsky affair and the speculations began.

Standing alongside with his wife and Vice President Al Gore in the Roosevelt Room of the White House, Clinton declared: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time — never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people.” He denied his involvement in the affair, even in front of the federal grand jury, giving false and misleading testimony. In 1998 Monica Lewinsky was granted full immunity and she revealed intimate details for her relationship with Clinton, turning over the “blue dress”, which revealed evidence of a sexual encounter. Clinton finally admitted : “Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible.” He acknowledged his mistake: “I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that.”

The prestige of the presidency suffered, as humiliated Clinton was mocked and denounced by everyone. Soon the press called on Clinton to resign and the Republican-controlled House Judiciary Committee called for impeachment. Clinton’s defense team conceded the President’s liaison with Lewinsky, characterizing it as reprehensible; they further conceded his responses to the affair ” less than desirable”. They argued that his behavior was not criminal on nature and therefore not subject to removal from office. During the Senate trial, Clinton’s defense focused on the legal arguments as they would be considered in court.

Senator Dale Bumpers closed the case for President Clinton’s acquittal by firstly arguing that he has made grievous mistakes: “You pick your own adjective to describe the President’s conduct. Here are some I would use: indefensible, outrageous, unforgivable, and shameless. I promise you the President would not contest any of those or any others”. He added that Clinton had suffered for his mistakes and that his innocent family had already been devastated. Bumpers did not deny that the President had erred, nor he excused his conduct.

Instead, he admitted indefensible private conduct and told the Senate how it had been “privately punished”. He invoked Clinton’s shame and challenged the senators to ask themselves what they would do after a severe moral lapse, prudently stopping short of telling them that they would lie.

He invited reasonable doubt about their veracity in a similar situation. Bumpers convinced the senators to dismiss the charges, the impeachment  trial was put to an end and the President was freed from blame. In other words Bumpers successfully convinced the judge that Clinton was just flesh and blood and had made a mistake any one of us could make and he had only done what any of us would have done in his shoes: Lie. Clinton has successfully been cast as the victim and hence escaped from the situation unharmed.

Continue reading:

Survive office politics

Dealing with guilt